Some are born to toilet paper, some achieve toilet paper, some have toilet paper thrust upon them. I fall into the last category.

I recently wrote a few columns about toilet paper — about how the rolls are getting both narrower and fatter — and so readers have started turning to me with their TP observations. That’s become timely in this age of coronavirus. Though the virus isn’t known for causing intestinal distress, panic-buying and sheltering-at-home have caused toilet paper shortages.

One person wrote urging me to remind readers not to substitute Bounty for Charmin, lest paper towels clog their pipes. Another said that his brother in Texas heard on the news that “people are using washcloths, ­T-shirts and other like items to wipe their bottoms after doing their business on the throne — and then flushing them.”